Denim

It looks like life is back to sleeping in. I have had two interviews, and one no thank you. One more interview on Thursday afternoon.

So…….back to sleeping in, and wearing jeans. I still have not quite escaped this hell hole, but only have 4 days to go. This is pay week though, so getting paid on time or even at all, remains to be seen.

It will be great to finally go home to stay, I have really missed it, and the DOG. Fancy having him two houses away, and having visitation rights only. However, we did agree that if we were to return, they would keep the dog. Fair is fair. I have to say, I don’t miss the hair. Long haired Saints are continually shedding. I swear you could spin the hair and knit a jumper out of it.

I have finally got somewhere with the Dept of Immigration, and am allowed to sit my citizenship test on the 26th May. About time too! I had a very understanding person on the other end of the phone, who showed a lot of common sense. No around and around the “what is your passposrt number”, I don’t have one, “what is your permanent residency number”, I don’t have one, etc. No arguments this time.:)

Anyway, back to sleeping in………

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Angels Hell

This morning when I woke up, I wondered where the fun in my life had disappeared to. When exactly, did life become all work and no play? Did it just happen? Or did I work myself up to it?

The realisation came a couple of days ago, the catalyst I believe, was when I couldn’t find my favourite white shirt.

I turned the wardrobe upside down, looked in the washing basket, and in the dryer. The fairies must have nicked it, along with by black heels.

I decided to clean the wardrobe ( two wardrobes) and drawers out, with a strict policy, if I hadn’t worn it for a year, out it goes.

Washing and ironing done, everything hanging in color coded order. Shoes in the same order on the rack, bags lined up on the shelves. Knickers and bras folded neatly, along with socks and stockings.

Since when did I need 18 white shirts and only wear 3, and how come I have 22 pairs of knickers? As if I didn’t do the washing a couple of times a week! So many pairs of shoes, of which I wear only a couple, because the rest kill my feet. And, the bag I had to have, which I bought 3 months ago, and cost the best part of $200. I loved it in the shop, I don’t like it any more, so it is lined up with the other 11 bags. To top it off, I haven’t used it.

When did this happen to me, how could I let it happen? My credit card bill is $17,000. No wonder I work long hours and hardly get a spare minute to myself. I’m too busy being an over spender, over achiever, making sure my team never fails to meet their monthly sales target, and being a “can do, no problem” person for the boss. When did I start working 12 hour days? Can’t remember, it just sort of happened along the way.

I get stressed and mail order. Work stresses, family stresses, they have merged and become one. I can no longer draw a line between the two. There is no time to de-stress, no time to sit and do nothing. No time for my favourite things, reading, blogging, gardening, I can’t dance either, it isn’t ‘productive’.

I say no time because I have to be busy, I can’t relax, have lost the art of reading for pleasure, and doing nothing. When was the last time I had fun, without shopping? I can’t remember, it’s too long ago. When was the last time I didn’t feel pressure, from one source or another, and when exactly was the last day I didn’t have a headache?

How did I turn into this person? When did I start to look at the world from the outside, instead of joining in? How do I find my way back home?

What Have I Done?

I can’t believe I resigned from my job, that I actually went through with it.

The Boss is really the Big Boss, the Manager is below him, and the Boss’s brother is Hitler in disguise, because he is the boss’s brother, and abuses his position. I also work a full 6 day week which is really draining.

I must admit, I had planned to leave last year, in early October, but a few weeks later decided not to go through with it. Departing from my money source was making me uneasy. I had spoken to the Boss in September about the hours being too long and having too many “Chief’s”. He told me to sort it out, and left me to it. In the meantime, he went on holidays. Hitler gave me an absolute blast about a perceived wrongdoing. He was yelling so close and loud, his spit was landing in my face. He would not let me speak a word, everytime I tried, he yelled louder. If he had bothered to ask me, I could have given him a very simple explanation.

I had been due for leave in November, but the Boss cancelled it because of low staffing levels. I just didn’t want to hear it, you know how it is when you need time off. Being close to breaking point is uncomfortable, especially when it is stretched out and out.

Two days before I was due to go, I had a heap of stuff to do, unfortunatly I am the only one who knows how to do it. My bit involves a government dept. user id and password. I was feeling quite ill, which is unusual for me. I had eaten Beef in Black Bean Sauce for dinner the previous night, maybe that was the cause, or possibly just stress.

I am really a conscientious employee, and don’t take sickies often, but this day I should have stayed home. I had the Boss yelling in one ear to do something, and then when he was out of sight, the Manager would tell me to do something completely different. I am really intimidated when men yell at me, just can’t help it.

By this time I was close to tears and decided to have a coffee and smoke. When I had calmed down a little, I went back upstairs. The Manager had another go at me, and I really don’t know what came over me in those few seconds in time. I threw the cup of coffee and it smashed on the wall, grabbed my bag and keys and left. I retreated to the park around the corner, where I spent the next couple of hours in tears.

When I got myself back together, and being a loyal employee, I went back to work.. I was obviously looking upset, red eyes etc. Low and behold, the Manager had another go at me. That was it, I lost the plot and wrote a letter of resignation stating: I hereby resign from my position as xxxx, effective 1 month from today, due to bullying and harrassment in the workplace, and non negotiable working hours, as dscussed with you in September 2007. I signed it and walked out.

My husband works shift, so when I arrived home he was pretty surprised. I told him I had resigned, and went to bed, with a bucket in hand, just in case.

My phone kept ringing, so I turned it off. In the evening, the home phone rang, and I didn’t answer that either, but my other half did. I could have killed him (not really killed), I didn’t want to speak to the Boss, but I did. I told him everything, and guess what he said? “I don’t know anything about it, I thought everything was fine and you had sorted it out”. What do you think about it? Is he Deaf, blind or stupid, or all three? A case of “Ostrich”, burying his head in the sand, and ignoring everything.

He got such a shock, he sent me on leave at the end of the following day. No-one said boo to me, which was pure bliss, and I was able to complete the balace of paperwork.

If I was employed in a larger work place, I may have taken it further. That was my thought at the time, but after a lot of soul searching, I realised the experience would be extremely traumatic. I had had enough of that already.

The Boss has rung me a couple of times during my leave, to see how I am going, and also asked me to come in and see him. Guess What? “I am short staffed, can you fill in from the 25/3 until the end of April?” I said yes, I guess that’s loyalty again.