Angels Dying Inside

This is how I feel tonight. A few harsh words, a slight of hand from a much trusted friend.

Why is it people say things that hurt you, destroy your self esteem, and then tell you it was a joke, or they didn’t mean it?

Apologies over and done with, but it’s too late, the damage has been done. The words used will remain a barrier for me towards this person. Also, I have a long memory when it comes to personal insults.

It does not take much to tip the scales when it comes to the fragility of our outer shells. Attacking the ‘man’, is something I rarely do and I hate it when others resort to this modus operandi.

What’s that old saying, once bitten, twice shy? From now on, I am “twice shy” with this particular person.


Iraqi Dryad’s

I know you are wondering what this has to do with Iraq, right? A magical image, something to take your mind off things. Just look at her, isn’t she something special?. She is a Dryad, yes a weird name.

According to Micha F. Lindemans of the Encyclopedia Mythica, she is a female spirit, or nature nymph, who preside in the forests,

Each nymph is born with a certain tree, over she watches. If she lives IN the tree, her name changes from Dryad to Hamadryad.

Should the tree perish, then she dies with it. If this is caused by a mortal, then the Gods will punish him/her for that deed. Apparently the Dryad’s themselves will also punish any thoughtless mortal who would somehow injure “her” tree.

I wonder about the missing “Shadow’s” of the palms in Baghdad. Are the US soldiers being punished, not only by the Resistance, but by the Dryad’s as well?

Those Palm Tree’s in Baghdad were something special, it therefore seems logical to assume the Dryad’s were special also.

Iraq needs all the help she can get, if it comes in the form folklore, so be it. We need to help, not sit on our backsides. Our voices need to be raised a couple of octaves louder, and don’t think you are only one voice, and you won’t count. You will count, you and every other person who join together in voicing your displeasure in your Government’s actions.


Yazidis Thread

Erf and Orang, just in case you happen to land on this spot:

In relation to Peacocks, Angels, Eggshells, and Imploding Threads of Erf

The Iraqi women have sent a prayer to their guardian angel. The Peacock’s tail feathers have been plucked, along with his marbles, therefore rendering him useless. There is now no need to walk on eggshells and my composure has been regained.

This is my thank you to you. I hope you enjoy watching this, as much as I enjoyed performing it.

Education and the Assyrian Cause

Today was terrible. I got hooked up on blogocracy with a guy called **** ** ***** *****. You know the type. One of those that thinks everything he hears on the news, or reads in the papers is 100% true.

I tried to educate him a little, regarding my family history, and Great Uncle Patros, and the Assyrian mess. Also this , Assyrian Martyr’s. dedication.

All I ended up doing was spilling the beans of my personal history. It went way, way over the top. Tim, at blogocracy pulled the thread. I’m glad he did.

I said things I normally wouldn’t say, describing them fully, in minute detail, my beautiful cousin Shushan, her repeated rectal rapes, at the hands of US soldiers and her subsequent suicide. The deaths of my niece and nephew, and their funerals, and the rape of elderly Aamia Sharifa

I asked him to put himself in my shoes, and how would he feel? I was that upset when I read his reply, I turned the computer off. I can’t even remember what is was now, and can’t read it again because the thread was pulled. Just as well, I suppose.

It’s people like him, that believe this “war” is straight forward, and there are no twists and turns, that caused this in the first place.

Bushista’s, don’t you just love them? Those self righteous, puffed up tossers should be made to spend a few weeks “In the Shadow of the Palms” with family in tow, and learn by first hand experiences of a war zone. Maybe in down town Baghdad, or in Mosul.

They should walk the walk, before they talk the talk.

I have just remembered what he called my point of view – Logical Fallacy. I had to look it up, and don’t fully understand. There was another logical fallacy regarding history -‘just because you believed it to happen, doesn’t mean it did. Confusing

Anyway, if you come accross him, he is a nasty piece of work, and is best to stay clear.


We all live in some sort of web, trapped by life. It happens, and life goes on.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorder, Depression.

Depression is something we all have, at one stage in our life. Whether we admit to it, is another thing entirely. For most, it is something that last’s a few weeks at a time. For others it is a noose around their necks, that gets tighter and tighter.

There are those that don’t believe Depression is “real”, and tell you to pull yourself together, and get on with life. Try explaining it to them, it just doesn’t work.

There are two schools of thought on Panic/Anxiety/Depression.

1. Depression sets of Panic/Anxiety.
2. Panic/Anxiety sets off Depression.

I don’t feel I had the Depression side, although thinking back, I probably should have. If it recurred, I know I would.

PTSD, Panic/Anxiety, is my area, I know it intimately and hate it with a vengence. My Panic Attacks started round 15 years ago, after I started a new job, in a high pressure area. I had absolutely no training for this position, and thought I knew it all. By the time 6 weeks were up, I was a mess, having panic attacks, but not recognising what “it” was.

Vomiting, shaking, crawling skin, rapid heart rate, frozen on the spot, unable to talk, no sleep, night sweats, buzzing head, violent headache’s, irritable bowel syndrome, duodenal ulcers. The final insult, my hair fell out.

One day, I just didn’t go to work. I couldn’t. I rang and told them I was unable to continue. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It took 2 years to claim some sort of life back and another 8 before I felt I was truly able to face a return to some form of work. I am, to this day still taking a ‘maintenance’ dose of meds. Neither I, nor my Doctor envisage my life without it.

Luckily my family were supportive, and my husband truly amazing. I do not know if I could have faced it alone. I will never know, and I don’t want to. I am, once more in a high pressure job, and am coping well with a 6 day week.

I might add, in amongst this my daughter, Mandy, died in an accident.

This is only a small part of that journey. I want people to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and not to ever give up hope.


Hope and Apathy

I am not good at writing blogs. I sort of sit here, like this. I keep looking at the blank page, as if it is going to fill itself, and a topic will jump into my head.

Mayby if I had a Djinn?

As are many at the moment, I am sick of the fighting, the killing and sectarian nonsense. More so in Iraq, than the Middle East in general. This interview with a pro Resistance Iraqi might finally be the thing that binds them together.

I have made my views known to our government, in no uncertain terms, regarding Australia’s involvement in the region. It has done nothing to help the situation, but it has made me feel better.

We have an election happening here soon, and I am pretty sure our PM is going to be voted out of office. I hope the new PM will listen to the voices of the people, and heed our wishes.

There is a general apathy here, when it comes to the Middle East. No-one seems to be bothered, the general impression I get from others, is that all Middle Easterners are crazy, gun toting murderers, that kill eachother. I know that to be an untruth. They haven’t seen our committment to family, our history, our culture, and our laughter. Well, maybe not so much laughter lately.

I try and explain that it is a by-product of constant warring, there is no rest, no happiness, no hope. Not to mention the things we take for granted, like water, electricity, hospitals, and money. A lot of things are possible if you have money, but then again, some things are not. Layla mentioned ‘the last Iraqi’, he had money and it still didn’t help him.

I hope the Resistance is able to pull this off, and unite once more, all Iraqi’s.